Lola’s Heart

If you asked me, in my early twenties what love was, I would have rattled off all the qualities I saw from both sets of my parents’ marriages. The romance, getaway trips, the secret looks that no one else could decipher and soul connection.

I’m still in my twenties but I have come face to face with death and that makes me wiser, right? If you ask me what love is right now, I’ll simply tell you it’s a seed. Only your heart can determine what fruit love can bear for you.

At first, my heart was a path allowing anyone to walk all over it and boy did they stomp all over my heart. I know now that I allowed them.

Then I met Red and my heart was a rocky, parched piece of ground. I was so thirsty for any kind of affection or approval, I conjured a version of him that didn’t exist.

Then the thorn bush that was Ike! I shouldn’t have lowered my expectations but I did and he choked the love out of me. Yet, somehow he also gave me the most beautiful rose, my son.

No matter how hard I tried to harden my heart, it turned into a mushy, lush wetland the moment I laid eyes on Pacou.

I wish someone had told younger Lola not to look for a suitable gardener to bring the perfect seed of love but to cultivate her heart.